I couldn't disagree more with your comment regarding the difference between women who are in love with their husbands versus those that care for their husbands and that the difference has a bearing on who can/will accept their husbands having another wife. And it will be the cause of the destruction of society and civilization. Then you can go in loss. If youre going into a second marriage, and these statistics are causing sleepless nights, remember that going into this with wide-open eyes and a firm belief in your own boundaries will go a long way to making a happy marriage. It took some getting used to, but then, I accepted that this just wasnt your traditional marriage, says 35-year-old Dani. When your friends talk about Christmas and having the whole family there togetheryoure over there thinking, The ex has the kids for Christmas Bummer. Find out more about him what type of person he is. Allah will grant you someone honest and better than him inshallah, First off, you arent married yet..so you dont HAVE to accept his proposal..you are in NO WAY OBLIGATEDif you KNOW you arent going to be happy in this sort of arrangement dont do it..and also..if a man cannot be honest in his intentions then..i would question marrying him in the first place.being in this sort of marriage is a choice..it isnt an obligation and ALLAHswt doesnt demand you do it. 1) She does not want him to support her or her children from previous marriage; financially as she is very rich. Remember, youre allowed to have your limits and put your foot down as well; just make sure you dont embark on a battle royal every time you dont get your own way because thats not helping you or anyone else. One of the advantages of being a second wife is that you bring a fresh perspective to this baggage, and you become a partner who stands by their side as they work through it. Like he will be perfectly happy with his first wife, but he takes a second wife who is older and a widow, because she has nobody. Worries, tensions, and stress of first marriage might get them down already. This will be very helpful for me in the struggles that i am facing now. Can I have elective or cosmetic surgery done on my private parts? Along with finances, the whole second wife and property rights issue is bound to flare up at some point. According to a study by Pew Research Center, in 2013, 64% of eligible men and 52% of eligible women remarried in the US. There is no flaw or fault on her part. The first advantage of being a second wife is that this is the righteous way to follow the sunnah that in return you can bestow with bundles of blessings and Ajar. The second-wife syndrome is when you feel like youve stepped into an alternate reality created by your spouses first wife and family, and youre constantly feeling inadequate. Just imagine this you were his wife and you see him chatting/talking with another woman and looking at her pictures. Why is it higher the second time around? Well, i dont have doubt on his love, but now , how can i know the truth between of what his telling to me and what his telling to his wife ?? Islam has allowed the believing men to keep a maximum of four wives at any one time, on the condition that the man will treat all his wives with justice and equality in the things that are in his power and control, like his time, his wealth, gifts, etc. If he isnt able to perform their responsibilities, rights, and wishes. ". Finding Love After Divorce 9 Things To Be Mindful Of, 9 Ways To Resolve Conflict In Blended Families, 8 Examples Of Unhealthy Boundaries With Ex-Wife. Top 5 Benefits of Marriage Counseling Before Divorce, 25 Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissist, 6 Challenges of Second Marriages and how to overcome them, Setting Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship, 10 Ways to Deal With a Controlling Micromanaging Spouse, 15 Benefits of Group Therapy in Relationships. Second marriages are like that. He told to his wife, that she is the mother of his son, the official, his meat and blood. You dont want to succumb to second-wife depression owing to the pressures, insecurities, and unpleasantness in your marital life on account of your spouses past. May 23, 2022 / by / in . Speaking of children, how ready are you to become a stepmother? Maybe theres alimony being paid now and a college fund for the kids. disadvantages of being a second wife islamdetroit winter temperatures. I want to have a normal life, a life which is like being a wife whose proud to her husband, even being a second wife , its okay as long as the first knows but i dont know how. So this really needs to be discussed before marriage. When Marcus and Chantal got married, it was the second marriage for both of them. The first wife vs second wife comparisons may seem inevitable, both in your mind and that of your spouse and if there are children from your spouses first marriage in the picture, these comparisons can augment manifold. advantages: 1, you have enuf Pu-$$-y to cruise around with each nite. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. Second, I know he wouldn't just leave his wife and stay married to her on paper; he's a good man, and he would want to be a husband to her, and would try to be fair to the both of us. I am sorry for what your going through. if you live in western soceity its just to expensive.but its your choice. If you are determined that you want to marry him and you are convinced about him and his intentions, you are allowed to marry him as per the sharee'ah. Remember, youre not just taking on a spouse, but their baggage, their exes, their kids, and a whole host of readymade problems for you to tackle. It is time that you rise in love. Was he afraid that he would scare you off, did he intend to take you as a second wife? Now to accomplish this he is lying to his first wife. Keep the love and heart of your wife, and still be giving and charitable to others. It's the second time in my life that the word second wife was mentioned to me. Here in this verse, Allah is defined as a man who can keep a maximum of four wives at one time. Some want one child, some want 10 children. Youll have to make room for kids and their schedules, date nights interrupted by babysitters who arent available at the last minute, in-laws who already had their own expectations long before you came along, etc. It is not the second wife issue, but rather the lies and deceit that you and your husband were involved in that makes most people angry. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Muslim women are most likely to be at an economic disadvantage than other social groups in the . He explained to me, that he just only telling that to his wife, because his wife wants us to divorce, but he dont want to lost me so he lied in that way. Your spouse has lost their first wife either to divorce or death, both of which bring immense, albeit very different, pain and coping mechanisms. 4. He came to my brothers house to see me. Always seek refuge, forgiveness, and mercy from Allah and follow the right path of virtue in our lives. Trust me, when you do it the RIGHT way, you will be much happier in the end. Granted, some (extremely rare) men practice polygamy because they see it like a charity. I really feel that i cannot accept of what he have told in their conversation. disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy Muslim women are the most economically disadvantaged group in the UK, according to a report issued by the UK House of Commons. I feel lost and im really struggling with it. I am afraid that even if you marry he may keep this marriage as a secret. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features Press Copyright Contact us Creators . Christmas and having the whole family there together. Sometimes she considers suicide. Remember what Rasoolullah Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet said: ``No woman should ask for the divorce of her sister (in religion) in order to spill what is in her container.'' The only people who claim otherwise, are people who are trying to lie their way into a marriage. i got to know him through a cousin of mine who introduced us to each other, exchanged pictures and we both liked each other, started communicating fell in love with each other. If there is a really big problem in your marriage, so big that its got you looking for someone else, then you need to sit down and discuss that. These statistics are bleak, but what is even more . Your response is echoed by many Muslims that want a 1 on 1 relationship and want to ensure that polygamy is not practiced. His parents found him a new girl and Im left devastated. Youll need to be understanding of the fact that the first wife will keep showing up in your spouses life, that she has her place, and you have yours. This is not islam. It was hard. I think you wanted everything done in a halal way which is really good. Well, i my mind get full of thinking too much until i reached the point that i started to look job in other country to leave this place. The world is their oyster. Living This Life in a Positive Manner In pursuing happiness, Islam has its own way. One way or another, the invisible presence of the first wife only augments the pain of being a second wife. Be well and talk to people in your community who have nothing to gain from this marriage. In Holy Quran Chapter 4 surah Nisa verse No. , each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. It is strange to see people proclaiming adherence to religion and justice but when faced with a personal challenge like this they suddenly claim "multiple marriage was all meant for the Prophet's companions" and that "We can not live the religion the way they did so we should not try at all to emulate their example" . So many others are navigating similar challenges, and that should give you hope that its not as insurmountable as it may seem. Kranti says, As a first wife, you would maybe marry your partner and their family. A man doesn't need his wife permission to get married, so to get married and validating the marriage isn't a sin in itself, however it can lead to many sins and generally issues: 1. If your partners former spouse is still in the picture taking care of the kids or as business partners or just meeting occasionally youll need to learn how to deal with them without letting the first wife vs second wife insecurities consume you. The Advantages and Disadvantages of Polygamous Homes. Some are teachers. She feels like a tank is rolling over her body all the time. Remember one thing sis. The fact that he hid his marital intentions shows what kind of person he is. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and. The weight of all of these can fan second wife insecurities even in most self-assured women. But make sure to treat all wives equally. Don't hurt innocent people. mortality is outrageously high and t Be a nice person! Your wedding is your wedding and you can do whatever you want. Because then he'll start feeling that you don't respect (there's that word again) the things he does do for you. One of the conditions that must be fulfilled in order for polygamy to be halal for him, or any Muslim man, is that he must have the financial means to actually support all of his wives equally. If the man can not deal with both of you justly, he should not be marrying you. Because marriage is a key to protection, security, and self-satisfaction that Allah has commanded. Disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy Being a second wife in polygamy can be very difficult as many people view second wives as home wreckers. Leave him alone and supplicate to Allah. What advantages and disadvantages do you think there could be for children growing up in a family where the father has more than one wife? Unless he is forced to choose between you or her he is going to want to keep both. Its in a person's nature, or its not. Muslims made enemies of virtually everyone. Because he intends to introduce the idea later, after marriage. And some people really just don't care (yes, there are MEN who really don't care, I know a few). Second wife doesnt mean second place keep that in mind. Concerning this Hadees it shows in Islam the perspective of the second wife is like the first wife started to show things to her for sake of hurt, jealousy, insult, or like that. Or, you are paying for it. Some people are doctors. Its a lot to take on and the fact that youve chosen to do so says a lot about you. Perfect for me, but he wants me to be his second wife. For Mormons the wives seek out sister wives, it's difficult for them but they do it. Chole says, For the first few years of our marriage, I could hear whisperings and felt all the eyes are on me whenever I went somewhere with my husband. They treated like possessions, can be married off as a little child, they are distrusted and they have fewer civil rights. Based on that others, whom did not follow those rules, would always be doing injustice to you and attacking you.
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