She stopped letting us see him about 2 years ago.. My Situationship Broke Up With Me Unexpectedly. No one called or cared how it made me feel. You will live if you have Thanksgiving with your kids. If so, Masini warns that this could spell serious trouble in the future of your relationship. If asked, she would say It doesnt bother me, do what you like. Whats with the lie? You are not alone, Stephanie. I feel for you because my ex tried to destroy me in every way possible when we split 7 years ago. Free at last! Omg, I am going through a similar situation. If your family is healthy, they would nudge him along, however, when your siblings embrace him and continue the relationship they are disrespecting you and your choices. Thats okay. that he doesnt want a relationship with you, 3. I feel for you. Hes not just a random bf, that would be different. My ex is still very much in every one of my family members lives. It really is just about boundaries and everyone needs to be respectful of each other. What bothers me the most is her parents behaviour. You cant make people comply your wishes. Staying friends with exes is one thing, but staying friends with their families is something completely different. Stay around for the sake of your children but beyond that, find new friends and hobbies and move on. But family relationships are hard to forge and take a lot of work. There is no way any of us would have turned my back on her just because they were divorced. Yet hes going to dinner & drinks? But theres a way to work around that; that doesnt involve you/her kicking your/her ex out of your/there life entirely. I was better off when we werent speaking. To answer your question, I dont think its unreasonable at all. Why would my siblings request and maintain friends with my ex family when my siblings know how much this bothers me. I just want to move far away and then I have a reason I dont have to explain to kids who dont get to grow with my family. But its controlling to expect the family to break their close bond because you have. She tagged him and my neice in a post on Boxing Day of how well they work together . "With one ex boyfriend, I used to be quite close to his mum but I had to finally unfriend her on Facebook and unfollow on Instagram over Black Lives Matter. And when he was not in jail they would insist he be over for holiday dinners and occassions where our family would get together. I do have the support of my very elderly parents, who are deeply hurt by my sisters choices as they have asked the same of them and their wishes have been ignored. Wayyyy our of line. I was married for 20 years and was very unhappy and felt controlled by my ex my whole life. Still Hanging Out With Her Ex's Family. A slap in the face. Lady , if you are reading this I hope you find someone new and worthy of you . But they still side with him and he has driven a wedge between her and her family. Its mean and very hurtful. I realised then he was probably a sociopath. Major dysfunctional and toxic behavior. Weve been divorced for almost 5 years and Ive talked to them about inviting him to stuff before. Family is first. My sister will hear all of this and its up to her if she wants to comment and support me like everyone else. Im glad to read these comments and not feel that Im being unreasonable that this is hurting. Friendships were created and I dont believe people are DISPOSABLE that is whats wrong with this world, cant be grown ups, have to revert to high school drama. children,Grandchildren together. Stay strong in who you are. He said he only stayed for a half a smoke. My sister has become great friends with my exs girlfriend. My sister became more friendly with my ex once we were divorced and my mother has him come to stay with her. I was beyond excited that I would have the chance to be close to my little sister, nieces, and new baby nephew. We had no children and its not normal or natural for a family to take sides, especially with someone not a blood relative. I understand that this was his second family who he spent over 2 decades with and loves dearly and him wanting to stay close to them, however his ex and him are not cordial with each other at all. Once you are in a relationship with a new person, still having photos of your ex is a big red flag. },{ You seem to have so much hatred in your heart that you would go to the highest of the extremities: Cutting people off just because they like him. It has happened to me so I just keep away from them. I very much expected my family (if not my friends) to support my decision and back my play. Every divorce is different & this divorce needs separation which hasnt happened. Her response was that she wouldnt because he would see us hanging out together and we would get back at him that way. It is a powerless feeling and sometimes I feel so insignificant I wonder if should just end my life. I would actually suggest its a mothers love thats not sincere for her own child if she cant support her own flesh and blood. I wish everyday I wake up and this is a bad dream. My question is does that entitle him to the house? Exactly. I still love her for the little sister she was but I dont like the person she has become. You will fear death more and more as you age and become more bitter and resentful. It helped me to look back and realise that ever since my parents split up my Dad had treated us very shabbily and contributed a great deal to me developing severe mental health problems that i still struggle with. It's a sign he's still emotionally attached to his ex-wife, and clearly, he's not ready to let those special memories go just yet. Some comments here bother me as theyve immediately labeled your ex as manipulative, narcissist, gas lighter, etc knowing only one side of the story they sound like hurt people. It can be tough to lose a member of an ex's family as a friend, but ultimately, blood is thicker than water, and it can be critical to respect their desires as it pertains to their family. The whole thing just felt so imbalanced because I gave him the space he needed and I needed and cut ties with his family. I think you have to do what is right for you. My husband was a diagnosed narcissistic sociopath and I now suffer from CPTSD as a result of the abuse during the marriage and from the aftermath of the divorce. You could use this time wisely to explore your past, what went wrong in this relationship etc so you can begin to look ahead. Apparently she saw the X ( the divorce was 20+ years ago) through mutual friends last month and he asked her if she thought I would want to hang out with him and his large group of friends, and. Because heres the thing. I wouldnt do it to my loved ones. This too has been my life for 8 years. His mother is a 40 year old unknown woman, and as of now theyre broken up). You would be disappointed and deeply frustrated. My parents were much more understanding. I never thought id lose my family either. I remember as a small child going to that house for holidays, summer vacations and what not. This is my opinion. Im still dealing with the bitterness particularly from my mother that she can not let go of. I was married to my husband Anderson, I love him so much that we have been married for seven years with two children. If hes making the effort to invite them. There were many mistakes on both sides but he was emotionally and psychologically abusive. You need to control your reaction. My family like yours just couldnt see what the problem was but it IS toxic and it is dysfunctional. Its very painful and I dont understand. The best way I can describe it is that shes like a 3rd wheel in our new married life. The two dads are killing it, wonderful for that little girl). To one of the commenters, if he was a good person, he wouldnt be abusive! I begged them to keep trying to speak to my daughter through calls on special occasions or just because so when I go back arent made to feel like we dont care for my baby. And one question, did you have a good relationship with your family before you divorced? Familys behaviour is presumed to be normal until you realise it really isnt and that although you may feel emotionally trapped you feel that way because you have been conditioned to feel that way and you do have a choice to break free and live life on your own terms. I just wish my family members would not be all about themselves for once and support those who need it the most. Breakups can be rough, and it's particularly rough when you've gotten attached to an ex's family. Trying to dig out of the depression is hard, doing whats best for you is near impossible. He's still talking to his ex 6. If his family and I had been close I would have expected to still be close to them after the divorce as well. In other words he was spreading lies about me to my family! I dated an African American man and they lied as a team to try and Control me and have me involuntarily committed to a mental hospital for dating out of the family race . I believe if she wouldnt stop calling then something was going on between them. But they said they forgave her because she was struggling with it even though she was the one that talked of divorce first. She has no right to control who they see or invite to their homes. End of story !!! It took me a good few years to get my head around it and I still get pangs but I feel the anguish of making that decision was preferable to them seeing him as a victim and having to still be linked to my ex through trying to keep a relationship with them. Having first hand experience with someone diagnosed with a personality disorder, things like narcissism might be an easy label to help ease you own pain, but require an in person professional diagnosis. I couldnt have children because of his infidelity. My older sister who I was close too and supported lots really encouraged me to leave him as he was so controlling! Im hurting. I feel sorry for your unfortunate children and any other unfortunate soul that gets close enough to have their positive emotional vibrational frequencies out of people. Hes not one hundred percent committed to the relationship. You have to remember that they were his family too for 13 years. We have a large family. Sounds like your ex and mine are both sociopaths who are masters at manipulation and gaslighting. I feel she is and would be ever willing to compromise whereas the impression is given that they are just not willing to listen to or respect her feelings and that is NOT healthy and indeed the hallmark of emotional abuse. Im sure of it. A controlling, abusive one who wants to remain connected to try and continue to control and punish you by any means possible which is why I took the difficult decision to break contact. I felt there was manipulation as the motive, but I could not tell my boyfriend what to do. Live your life. by By Carolyn Hax, Advice Columnist | Columnist. They are clueless. I really am. Try it! Focus on yourself and your kids and spend time with people whose actions show they really value and care about you xx. Who Is Naomi Osakas Boyfriend? Then her familys homes and gradually his. I am so glad you are intelligent enough to know these things and caring enough to point the fact out to others. ), and all the child support he never paid. They did not care if I was there or not. They form bonds. The enemy is right with the family. Its almost the exact same life as me. Cut off your family if you must. God forbid someone besides you has a happy ending right? But your family should ask youbefore inviting him. It sounds that the ex and your family have mutual respect and love for each other. How does this happen? Im going to start doing that. I dont know my niece. They were extremely close and in each other's lives for a long. this is clearly just a lack of boundaries,and it is horrible, sorry I can relate! \, Exactly..I wish my brother see this way and STOP hanging out with my ex . They were ho,ding you back from growing and succeeding. And so far its working. Either way i think its disrespectful and hurtful.Would they still invite her if he had a girlfriend there? I know exactly how you feel. So here is my dilemma, if it really is one. My ex left me and kidnapped my kids while I was deployed. My ex cozied up even more than ever to my sister during our acrimonious divorce. Maybe you should seek therapy and find happiness and respect for yourself! We all live in different states and so when I go to see my family I want it to be MY time. Another who has a very similar story. These abuser are master manipulators and your family isnt deserving of you. When he does that and Mom knows he's serious, that mom-and-ex relationship will quickly dissolve. They (my ex, his girlfriend, my sisters, my brothers-in-law, my mom, and my nieces and nephews) have Superbowl parties together, have family days at the park, go shooting, go out to dinner or breakfast, etc. They KNOW and have talked to me about how hurtful this would be. Your ex did have relationships with your family. Her feelings are valid. You need to start reading books on narcissistic behavior, or start googling. Divorce doesnt mean contact ends. The way I see it is they chose him over me. We share joint custody of our 2 kids. Last week's column is here. And this is the trouble they are convinced we are the problem and we kind of know its off but we sort of end up believing it for a while and so we torture ourselves. NOT TRUE. He also assaulted my Stepfather, threatened my Mother and yet my Dads side of the family saw him as the victim and me as in the wrong due to my mental problems! My own brother would not uninvite him to his wedding. Even though your family doesnt seem to care, due to the fact that they are blatantly doing this, I still think its worth voicing how you feel to them (in the most calm way). That should be the major factor in this situation. I dont usually post about my personal life online, but have decided to reach out to strangers to hear their opinions. My ex maintained his relationships with all of the men in my family. Ironically, her mother told me her daughter was a spoiled brat. Soon after my divorce, my ex started attending all of my nephews ball games. Where is the family loyalty? They divorced. He is doing this just to hurt me. I feel for her . Hers are teenagers. My life is richer now, although we arent monetarily close towe have what we need. Why? Ive gotten him a waiver for services and Im teaching him to drive. They (and my kids) went and decorated my exs work for his birthday, etc., etc., etc. Some people are just that nice. And P.S. Were over with. Its not so uncommon. I am so sorry thats your sister did what she did at Thanksgiving. No children and its not normal or natural for a half a smoke wish my family I want it be., although we arent monetarily close towe have what we need not normal or natural for a.... To control who they see or invite to their homes, ding you back from growing succeeding. 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